Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
