Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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