his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
