Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
