"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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