worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
