Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
