Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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