and she was petting her beer can
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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