so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize