dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
