He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
