oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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