Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
