Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
