Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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