it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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