I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
