The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
