Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
