I feel like abortions should bother me more
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
