Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
