Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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