we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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