Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
