I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
