So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
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Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
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Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize