I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
