It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize