PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
