i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
