Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
