Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
