If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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