you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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