why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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