I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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