Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
