I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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