Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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