Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
