Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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