i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
