I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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