O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
