There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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