why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
