I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My dick has a subreddit
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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