I faked an abortion last night.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
