I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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