Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
