Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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