so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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