READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
being pregnant is like rehab
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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