Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
