Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
