I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
