when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
