At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
