I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We need a shit load of segways right now
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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