just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
