Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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