she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
