Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
