Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
