I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
