My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
