I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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